I had to debate for quite some time before I decided how/if I was going to respond to these posts. After much contemplation and counsel, I have decided that I do have some things that need to be said as I feel that I have taken the brunt of these problems.
First of all, although I had no dog in this fight, I am unfortunately the one that got stuck in the middle…of everything. I was asked by my sister when she originally left
Second of all, I also want to make it very clear before I continue that I do not hate my niece or my newly minted nephew – quite the opposite. I have and will always adore them in the same way that I have through the years, that will not change.
With that being said, I am brought to my first issue…the way my brother presumed that he could speak to me on that fateful afternoon last May. With the love that I have shown Jacqui through the years as my oldest niece, I am beyond pissed and hurt that you would ever think that I would attack/berate that child. Your phone call to me NEVER ONCE asked me what had been said or done. To this day you have never asked me what happened. While I happen to love J & N dearly, I also own a couple of 20 year olds and understand the drama that can be added to a situation. If you think for one second that the conversation that took place at my house involved anything more than a polite problem solving conversation with the same tone of voice that I would use at my dentist’s office to book an appt, then you don’t know me very well at all. And for you to not consider giving me the benefit of the doubt as a grown woman, knowing the drama that the children (all of them) have added to situations in the past is beyond comprehension. Do you really think that if one of my children had come to me complaining about something that you did that I would not have come to you first, trying to understand what had happened? It’s the same way with the teachers at school, the grownups are going to be given the benefit of the doubt if the kids come home complaining about something the teacher did. I deserved the benefit of the doubt as a grown member of this family and especially since nothing in my past labels me as a ranting/raving lunatic at large.
The other point to that is, my sister made me an agent of that house when she left the state and I have been involved in it on every aspect since they have left. Your calling me and asking me why I was involved should have been…why were you involved? Your name wasn’t on the lease and you weren’t an agent of the Snell-Bennett family. A lot of the stress of this situation also stemmed from the fact of you telling your sister 3000 miles away that she wasn’t there to make decisions on her house and that you would basically do what you want with the place, including ripping down moulding and making the decision to replace it at that time without her approval, and over her objections. So the question becomes – who are you to make that decision? Your name wasn’t on the lease and you weren’t left in charge of the decision making at that house, but you used your typical high handed tactics to do whatever you wanted.
As for the way you choose to talk to me, my dear brother…it doesn’t work for me. I have never spoken to you in that manner, and I expect nothing less in return. You don’t discuss a situation….you run it and yell over it so subdue whoever you are talking to and I am pretty much done with exchanges that work in that manner.
My second issue is the actual house and what is being done there. From my understanding, the extremely inexpensive rent that was being charged was going to be offset by some help in fixing the issues at the house that were outstanding when they moved in. J & N were also very aware of the fact that they were going to be living in a house that was going to be on the market. I explained to them when we met the real estate agent over there that the house was going to need to be maintained immaculately to help with the sale. This was not done. They were also unwilling to crate the dogs so that the house could be shown during the day. I am not able to understand why they were perfectly able to crate the dogs when they lived at the apartment, but not at Angie’s house to help speed a possible sale. That May date at my house I tried to problem solve this issue with them and offered to buy a large open dog pen to put in the garage so the dogs would have more room to roam. This was not acceptable either. It was also 5 months after they had moved in and a lot of the little fix it items had not been handled as agreed to either.
In the end, they were paying about 1/6 of the rent they would be paying anywhere else (besides living with the parents) in exchange for some handy work and daily maintenance needed to have a house on the market for showings…and they did not live up to their end of the agreements made.
This brings us to now. Since Nick was not working and Ang could use some work done to the house, an agreement was struck for improvements to the house. Nick quoted a price for work and the bulk of that work was completed in July and the price quoted has been paid by Ang. As of 2 weeks ago, that work had not been completed. I know that Nick and Jason had a falling out 3 weeks ago, but that doesn’t explain why the job wasn’t done during the past 5 months. Ang was under the impression from Nick that the work had already been completed.
Nick asked Ang if they could not pay rent in Jan since they were moving out in the middle of Jan, and Ang said yes. It was assumed when Nick told her that they would be out on the 15th that they would be completely out, all obligations taken care of. She asked me to start lining up window washers, yard guys and the cleaning lady so the house could go on the market shortly after. No problem. Its not until the 15th or shortly thereafter that we realize that the jobs she paid for already, are not actually completed and more money is going to be needed to hire someone out for the job. That is when I understand that you stepped in to help.
I spoke to Jacqui and Nick on Tues the 19th. I told Nick the real estate lady was coming to the house on Sunday and they were taking pics of the house on Tuesday for it to be listed. Nick told me at that point in time that the only things left to be done at the house were cleaning the garage and steam cleaning. Nick knew the cleaning lady was coming Sat afternoon to prep the house to go on the market. I specifically asked Jacqui if they had remembered to clean out the frig, as I wanted to prompt her to remember to take care of the cleaning details they were responsible for. Her answer to me was “yes, we cleaned it out already”. After seeing the frig, I can only assume that she meant they took their stuff out of it, as it is apparent that no one wiped down the inside of the frig at all.
None of the move out cleaning was done, and I assume that since they have moved out of apartments before this one – they understand what needs to be done to get a deposit back. I am not sure why their aunt deserves less consideration of how they leave her home when they vacate it than a faceless landlord would. I doubt that Jacqui would have hung up on a different landlord if they were asking her questions about why the cleaning wasn’t done or would have called her father to intervene. Would you have called an apartment complex to berate the manager there if they were telling you that your child had left the dwelling without cleaning it properly? No, they wouldn’t have even discussed it with you as she is over the age of 18 and entered into a binding legal document with them and is responsible for her own choices. If that had been my child that had left my sister’s house, or your house for that manner, looking like that…I would have marched their happy ass right back over there and told them to handle their responsibilities as they had agreed to them. My intervention does nothing to teach them how to handle their obligations as grownups, it only cripples them as to what to expect in the real world and quite frankly, their low rent saved their independence when Nick lost his job – so I feel that my sister has been more than generous. $300 a month with half of it coming back to them at the end…come on, what a deal.
So now, my sister has had to pay out twice the amount she should have to a cleaning lady to get the house clean enough to sell. Money she should not have had to spend. The basic yard maintenance was not taken care of at the house, all the leaves left on the yard for 4 months have seriously yukked up the grass, not to mention the back deck. The leaves were not even attempted to be taken care of until something was mentioned last week, and then only a half hearted cleanup was done. Again, more money being put out for the yard guys to come do a thorough cleanup instead of just a freshening up. The roof guy took care of the back deck when he pressure washed everything. I am sure that Ang did not expect complete yard maintenance, but I would think mowing and raking would be included in the basics of any tenant agreement. I know that I rented an inexpensive place for 11 years and I took care of the yard, did a lot of maintenance projects and left the house in far better shape than I found it as I was appreciative of the financial burden that I was relieved of while I lived there.
So my issue boils down to this…I didn’t live there, I don’t own it, I didn’t get any financial gain from it, my kids didn’t benefit from it – but I still get to be labeled the bad guy because things have to be taken care of that were agreed to. I will be over there doing the touch up paint from all the overspray, washing the curtains and finding someone to finish the trim paint that is two toned, which will also cost money.
Again, I have never raised my voice to the kids or talked to them in a snotty tone or been accusatory – just tried to ask questions and get answers…so how did I get stuck in the middle?
I was really not sure about posting this on the family blog. Then I thought about it and realized that this is already everyone’s business. No one in the family doesn’t know about this and I want everyone to know the facts as I have been given them. I did not want this to be a case of he said/she said which has happened far too often in this situation. This is everything I know, out in the open so there would be no confusion as to my motives or feelings.
As an afterthought, I typed this last night and was re-reading it before I posted it and just read the family blog and J’s post. Honestly J, after the phone call I got from your father that afternoon – I had no idea what you had said to him that got him so mad. I just know that I had not said anything mean or hurtful to you that day…so I have been unsure what to say to you since then, not knowing what would happen again, since I truly have no clue what happened to start with. I was very disappointed as I know that I had been kind, but apparently, that was not what was conveyed to your father. I have felt like I needed to walk on eggshells after that incident, so it seemed best to tread lightly.
And yes J, I think you’re right…unless we talk about it, it isn’t going to go away. We can pretend it has…but we will all know differently.
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